


Cheaters Never Win

by jhoom



Series: Academy Blues [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: College!AU, F/M, Fluff, Pre-Relationship, Roommates, cultural miscues, garrus has self-esteem issues, military academy!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhoom/pseuds/jhoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mass Effect AU where promising young cadets from various planets are sent to train at a military academy.  And not just any academy, the academy.  Those that come out the other end of this grueling training are basically on the short-list for Spectre candidacy.  After years of being part of Citadel space, the first batch of human recruits are invited.  Among them are Jane Shepard and Garrus Vakarian.</p><p>Based on this prompt: I SWEAR TO GOD DON’T TICKLE ME! OKAY ALRIGHT! YOU WIN! I SHOULDN’T HAVE CHEATED IN CALL OF DUTY. YOU MAY SHOOT ME NEXT TIME BUT PLEASE DON’T TICKLE ME!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheaters Never Win

**Author's Note:**

> [click here for the original prompt](http://selflessbellamy.tumblr.com/post/133186224821/a-list-of-roommates-aus)
> 
>  
> 
> Finally got around to writing a second installment of Academy Blues :) I'm actually pulling from the same list of prompts as the original. I have (at least) one more portion semi-planned out. I could probably get a fourth one in (I have a tiny little plot bunny for what that could be), but we'll see.
> 
> Thanks to [mordinette](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordinette/pseuds/Mordinette) for putting up with my weird formatting issues and random errors (i.e. beta-reading)
> 
> I'm also on tumblr [@jhoomwrites](http://jhoomwrites.tumblr.com/)

Turians weren't necessarily the most well-versed when it came to knowing about other species.  They'd been part of Citadel space for a while, picked up a lot in that time, but it had taken years to get where they were now.  Put them with an asari, a salarian, hell, even a krogan, and they knew what to do.

But throw in a new entity like humanity, and well, it all went out the window.

Humans were confusing.  The overall structure of their society seemed pretty straightforward, but damn it all, the _nuances_  of their culture had turians all across the galaxy shaking their heads.  A lot of what they did or said just didn't make a whole lot of sense.  And it didn't help matters that the two species had met under the shadow of war.

At least it wasn't just turians who had trouble understanding humans.  They'd all whisper together how _strange_  they were and how it was a miracle they'd developed the technology to even get to light speed.  It was honestly a little condescending of them to do it, but that was usually how it went when a new species showed up on the Citadel.  

For his part, Garrus tried not to be judgmental.  He was reasonably confident that there were plenty of turianisms that just didn't translate between cultures (and that irked _him_ , someone who grew up in the midst of it).  So he kinda just ignored the weird things or at least filed them away to ponder later.  

Having a human roommate helped put things into better perspective.  His father hadn't taken too well to the news when he got his room assignment at the beginning of the term.  His father had his own prejudices from his experiences working at C-Sec, but they were just that - his own.  Garrus had no interest in letting his father's discomfort create issues for him and his roommate.  The whole point was to get members of different species working together, right?  To overcome the cultural gap that divided them.  

Or something like that.  He'd have to read the damn pamphlet again to get the wording right.

Garrus had been willing to try.  He was fully committed to his work at the Academy as he started his second year, and that included putting forth the effort to get along with the other recruits.  Last year he'd been with a jumpy little salarian who had actually _hissed_  at him a couple times.  In comparison, how hard could it be to get along with a human for a year?  

But then he met Shepard.

At first it had been great.  They clicked really well despite their different backgrounds.  Conversation flowed easily, they were doing similar courses and training (though they didn't have much together since Garrus was a year ahead in the program), and enjoyed sharing the amusing oddities particular to their species.  Months later they hadn't even had the usual roommate-type arguments the other cadets were experiencing off and on.  Seriously, it was _great_.  A hundred times better than last year, which had been passable at best in the roommate department.

"It still is great," Garrus reminded himself.  Again.  For the fifth time that day.  

The problem was that some time over the past few months, something had shifted.  Shepard wasn't just a friendly face he looked forward to seeing each evening after classes.  She wasn't just good company.  And she wasn't just his roommate.

Slowly, so slowly he hadn't even noticed it until it was too late, he'd maybe kinda perhaps totally developed a small minuscule inconsequential earth-shattering crush on his roommate.

He was so totally fucked.

And in all likelihood, he could've gone the whole year without his feelings even registering.  Except there'd been _that day_ a month ago when Shepard had broken down.  It was something that happened sometimes.  They were all young, the combined stress of being away from home and dealing with the grueling rigor of their studies got to even the best of them.  

Garrus had found her crying on her bed, and that was the exact moment he realized just how deep he was.  Because it damn near shattered his heart to see her so upset, to not be able to _do_  anything to help.  Hell, his only experience with crying humans before this had been when a cadet broke his leg the first week of training the previous year.  All he really knew was tears = pain (and he was starting to figure out it could be emotional pain, too) and Shepard's pain = his pain.

Ugh.  Worst fucking realization he could've had, honestly.

After that, he started noticing all the little ways that showed just how _bad_  he had it for her.  His heart sped up when they were close, his breathing temporarily erratic.  He went out of his way to get her to smile, hear her laugh.  If she was in the room, the rest of the galaxy narrowed to the sound of her voice.  At least - and this was truly the only good thing about the situation - she hadn't seemed to notice anything was off.

Because there was nothing off and there wouldn't _be_  anything off because things were fine.  Totally normal.  

Sometimes he had issues not saying anything.  Because he wanted to, so _badly_.  And it might be stupid, but there were times when he thought maybe ~~she liked him too~~.  So he made a list of reasons to keep his damn mouth shut, and he'd repeat it over and over until he got it through his thick skull.  Remind himself why it was a stupid idea and he should just leave the status quo as was.

1\. We're roommates.  It would make things awkward if she's not interested or we don't work out as a couple.

2\. She's human.  I'm not.  We're not compatible romantically, even if we get along as friends.

3\. She can do better.  I'm the wise-cracking best friend and roommate.  Not the guy you take home to your parents.

4\. I would probably just fuck it up if anything happened.  For reference see: every relationship I have ever had in the history of ever.

There was more he could add, but these were the highlights.  

Even if he didn't plan on pursuing anything with Shepard, there were certain indulgences he allowed himself.  Like in the mornings, when he got her coffee and she gave him that one particular smile that was a bit muted from fatigue but still made his heart stutter a bit.  He let himself enjoy that smile and pretend it meant more than it did.  

Or when she'd duck out of dinner early because she wasn't in the mood to deal with people, but she'd still hang out with him in their room like it was the highlight of her day.  Was it so bad if he bought into the illusion that it really was?

And occasionally, if the opportunity presented itself, he'd give in to the casual touches friends shared.  A hand to the small of her back, just for a moment.  Shoulders bumping when they walked or sat together.  A touch instead of words to get her attention.  The last one he did all the time.  Humans seemed much more open to that sort of thing than turians, and once it had happened once or twice without issue, he did it more and more.

(Nothing was ever as invasive as when he'd hugged her that one time.  But she didn't mention it, didn't seek that type of comfort again, so he followed her lead.)

Today was no different.  Neither of them had morning classes, so they were in their room prepping each other for a combat simulation (for him) and an engineering exam (for her).  Lost in thought as she perused the blueprints of a power converter, she didn't hear Garrus ask her a question.  Nor did she hear when he repeated it.  With barely suppressed glee, he saw the opportunity and took it.

Leaning over a bit, he poked her in the side.

What he had not been expecting was the full body jump and the way she squirmed away from the contact with an undignified squawk.  "Jesus H. Christ, Vakarian, what the hell?"

He noticed the tension in her body before anything else and gave her a questioning look.  "I'm... sorry?"  This was the most unusual reaction he'd ever gotten from her.  He didn't even think humans were _capable_  of that type of noise...  That made him start to worry, so instead he buckled the thought down and asked, "Is something wrong?"

"I'm- I- It's nothing!"  The redness of her cheeks made him question the truth of that statement, but he let it go.  

It couldn't have been that bad, though, since she relaxed after a minute.  Their studying resumed, and the incident was forgotten.  

Or at least until the next day.  

They were getting lunch in between training sessions.  Their off time during the day didn't always line up, so when it did, they made an effort to hang out.  Shepard was poking around in front of him in line, trying to choose between some (in his opinion) questionable looking fruit ("Apples or oranges, Garrus?  Apples or oranges?  Oh- bananas!  Damn, I haven't had a banana since I was last on Earth.  Maybe I should get a banana...").  Her existential crisis over which snack to get was causing the line to get backed up.

While often he made a conscious decision to engage in physical contact, this was just a gut reaction.  He reached forward and poked her in the side in an attempt to herd her forward.  With a quickness he'd never seen from Shepard before (which really said something, he knew firsthand that she was pretty damn fast), her hand snatched his and jerked it away with more force than she'd ever exerted outside of sparring.  All of that happened while Shepard tried to juggle the food already on her tray.  

"Vakarian, _seriously_ , do _not_  do that!"  There was a little more bite in her tone this time, and he started to wonder if he'd done something wrong.  Maybe she'd picked up on his inappropriate (almost) flirting or his stupid pining-

But... she didn't say anything else.  Beside a half-hearted glare that died out by the end of the lunch line, there wasn't much for him to go on.  Just in case, though, he refrained from those friendly touches that all of a sudden were becoming an issue.  

A couple days passed without things being weird, and he managed to forget about both incidents.  Shepard didn't care - besides her strange reactions in the moment - so why should he let himself worry about it?  He knew he was out of the woods when it was Shepard playfully nudging him with her shoulder while they waited for trainers to show up.  

The only class they had together with any regularity was melee training.  Garrus was there more in an instructional capacity to help demonstrate to the newer students and for the extra practice.  Shepard was a pretty quick learner, one of the best in her year by far, and usually the two of them got paired together for sparring.  Which they were kind of doing now, just a way more childish version of what was to come.  

Their horsing around wasn't much more than playful punches and jabs and at one point Shepard accused him of doing something called a "noogie."  But it was enough to make his chest a little tight and hard for him to think straight.  

( _She likes me back, we're flirting right now, this is totally flirting-_

_Shut up, you're wrong, you're just friends-_

_But we fit so well together, it's so easy, maybe-_

_1: We're roommates.  2: She's human.  3: She can do better.  4: You'll just fuck it up-_

_Alright, I get it, you don't have to say it._ )

His morose thoughts distracted him enough for Shepard to knock his legs out from under him.  Despite the cheers from the nearby students, she was genuinely concerned when she offered him a hand and started pulling him to his feet.

"Sorry!  I thought- Thought you were ready...  I'm so sorry-"

She was so flustered it made him feel less embarrassed about the whole predicament.  He just laughed it off with a quick, "Don't worry about it, my fault for not paying attention.  Just don't expect me to go easy on you today after that."

Her answering smile was genuine, if not a little shy, but then masked immediately by her usual bravado when the day's lesson started minutes later. 

That evening, though, she seemed intent to make it up to him (never mind the headlock he'd gotten her in and the couple punches he'd landed during the sparring match that had followed).  As soon as they got into their room after dinner, she started digging through a box in her closet.  

She whooped in triumph and then brandished a beat-up looking controller  "Care to unwind a little?" she asked with an eyebrow waggle.  "I got a couple games I know you'd love?"

Her enthusiasm was too ~~cute~~ contagious for him to refuse, so he ended up helping her set up the small gaming system on one of the desks.  While she turned it on, he sifted through the rather meager collection of games.  Again, he felt a little bit of culture shock.  A farming simulator - _how_  was that fun?  A brightly colored creature jumping from platform to platform?  What the hell?  A game where animals were captured and forced to battle one another?  That was a little sadistic, honestly.  The shuttle racing one he could understand.  

But just as he thought he was finding some common ground, the next game he pulled out had him completely flabbergasted.

"A First Contact War game, _really,_  Shepard?"

"Ohhh, that's a good one."  His surprise didn't even register to her as she snatched it and loaded up the game.  "I'm the fucking man at this one though, so don't get your hopes up on winning."

"I... wait, what?  My species _won_  the Contact War, how could I not win the game-"

"Uh, excuse you, it was a _draw_."

"My species literally has millennia of experience in battle, centuries of experience in fighting intergalactic wars.  We would've crushed humanity-"

"Bull fucking shit, Vakarian.  My species has been fucking each other up for the entirety of our history.  We are really damn creative at coming up with new ways to kill people.  We'd have given you guys a run for your money for sure."

"Apparently you also have a fixation with _documenting_  wars in the form of video games," he drawled.  "How is that not bizarre?"

She shrugged.  "We've been doing it since forever.  World Wars, Civil Wars, theoretical wars against theoretical countries.  We've got a thing for war and shooting things."  Clicking through the menu, she selected the turian forces.  "Even if it means shooting at ourselves," and the grin she gave him was downright _evil_.

About halfway through the first round, he realized why Shepard had given him that look.  She may have wanted to argue in favor of humans winning a prolonged conflict, but the turian forces in game were significantly better equipped.  He huffed out his annoyance about it when he was decimated that round.

"Maybe you're only good at this game because you cheat.  You purposely picked the easier option."

"What?!" she sputtered.  "First of all, how dare you.  Second of all, how _dare_  you."

"Is there a third point on this list?  Because if so, I can probably guess what it is-"

"Hey, wise guy, you think you're so good?  Here-" she grabbed his controller and switched it with hers.  "Now _you_  can be the 'easier option' and I will _still_  kick your ass."

She did indeed kick his ass the second round, but not by nearly as much.  Most of his issues were learning the new controls for the turian forces, which were inexplicably different from the ones for the humans.  By the third, he had learned the basic mechanics of the game and put up a good enough fight that it was nearly a draw.  Shepard barely eked out the win, but he took it as a moral victory.

"You wanna change games?"

"Are you worried because I'm about to beat you next round?"

"Oh it is fucking _on_."

His childhood hadn't afforded him much opportunity to play video games, but no one ever said he wasn't a fast learner.  Or strategic.  Halfway through the round, he had Shepard on the ropes.  And yeah, so he was feeling a tad smug about it.  Reasonably confident he was going to win, he didn't expect what happened next.

Just as his main battle force was about to enter firing range on her, she pushed him.  Well, shoved him would be a more apt description since she nearly knocked the controller out of his hand, and in the meantime shot down his flagship before it could reach her outpost.  

"That's not very sporting of you," he growled, but tried to ignore it and keep playing.

But once the next assault started, she tried to do it again.  He managed to hold his controller out of her reach, but Shepard retaliated by waving a hand in front of his face and occasionally turning his head away so he couldn't see the screen.  Not skilled enough to win outright, he was marginally impressed that she could play one-handed.  

"Shepard, what are you-  Stop-"  

"Nope.  Not happening."  And it just escalated from there.  Every few seconds, she was either pushing or shoving and at one point she tried standing in front of him.  

Garrus was still doing well enough that he _might_  be able to win, but not if he didn't learn from Shepard's less than admirable tactics.  So he started pushing back and managed to knock her controller on the floor (and it was icing on the cake when it rolled under her bed and she had to scramble to get it back... though not before he blew up her ship).

"Not bad, Vakarian," she grumbled and tried to recover.

"What can I say, I learned from the best."

Shanxi was about to start and Garrus decided he needed to be proactive.  As the cut scene played, he reached out and poked Shepard in the side.  The squawk was back as was the squirming, so he kept it up, mercilessly poking in the same spot.  Shepard threw - _threw_  - her controller in an effort to get away from him.  Any concern he might have felt disappeared at the laughter that burst forth each time he landed a hit on her abdomen.

Fascinated, he put aside his own controller to continue this new onslaught, which was much more satisfying than his impending digital victory.  He turned his full attention to Shepard, trying different spots to see which elicited the best reactions.  With each passing touch of his talons, more giggles and laughter trickled out against her will.  She did her best to push his hands away, but she was helpless.

~~It was adorable.~~

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, GARRUS!"  Honestly, he was a bit surprised she could yell given how hard it seemed for her to breathe.  "I- I SWEAR TO GOD, VAKARIAN- DON'T- D-DON'T TICKLE ME!"  Laughter kept bubbling out of her and he couldn't quite bring himself to stop yet.  "OH MY GOD ALRIGHT- ALRIGHT!  YOU- YOU WIN!  I SHOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED!  PL- PLEASE STOP!  CAN'T- I CAN'T BREATHE!"

There was a huge grin plastered on her face, belying the urgency of her claims, but he reluctantly stopped.  She shook with some residual laughter so he kept a steadying hand on her shoulder.  In the background, the game taunted them about their shared defeat.  Guess he'd forgotten to pause it.  Oh well.

"You lost."  Her eyes were shining.  It made his head a little fuzzy.

"So did you."

"Yeah..."  She stopped to lick her lips.  He tracked the movement, not sure what was so appealing about it.  "But _you_  didn't win."  A cocky grin replaced the strange, unidentifiable expression she'd been wearing since he stopped tickling her.  (What the hell was tickling, anyway?  He made a mental note to look that up.)  "Priorities."

"Mutually assured destruction?"  He couldn't help the way his mandibles fluttered.  He noticed the way her eyes drifted to watch, just like he had earlier.  Did that mean something?  

"Definitely."  She leaned in a bit.  Something was about to happen - what, he didn't know, but it was happening and it was _important_ -

The game beeped angrily at them, demanding attention and a new round, and they both jumped apart.  

"Oh, right.  The game."  She was way too cocky when she asked, "You up for another round?"

Why was Shepard so flustered?  Weren't they just talking about it?  What the hell subtext of this conversation had he just missed?

"Uhh," he stammered.  His head was a mess right now, he needed space.  "I think I'm done.  I've got some stuff to work on for tomorrow."  

"Oh."  Was she disappointed?  She sounded disappointed...  Seriously, _what had he missed_?  "Yeah, I got some stuff too."

Before he could change his mind, she started packing up the gaming equipment.  The moment was over, and after a minute or two to recover, he headed over to his terminal.

The first thing he needed to do was look up what the hell tickling was.

**Author's Note:**

> For reference, the games Shepard has in her collection include Animal Crossing, Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokemon, Star Wars: Podracing, and Call of Duty: First Contact War. (Psst, I've never played Call of Duty, I have no idea how it works, just pretend it's like I wrote in the story.)


End file.
